Parallel
by casperfrench
Summary: A two part one-shot, see the note to explain away THAT little contradiction in terms, focusing on Stella end of series 5. Two stories in one. Quite exciting. And short too.
1. One

'Parallel'

_A note of explanation – I wrote this Stella-centric ficlet in between series 5 and 6; Spence had been shot and we didn't know which was it was going to go. I wanted to write a story in parallel, a story that reflected both possible outcomes. Originally this was presented as two columns, the idea being you read them in tandem – some bits were the same, others diverged. It was quite innovative and imaginative if I do say so myself. Here I've had to separate them, but they should be read holistically. I wasn't sure whether to put the 'nice' or the 'nasty' first. I flipped a coin. Enjoy._

- - -

"I don't quite know what I'm doing here Spence, or what I'm going to say. Boyd's asleep – he's been at your side whenever he could for so long now... I don't know how long it's been, I haven't been paying much attention to be honest. I feel like shit, if that's any consolation."

Stella laughed, her eyes struggling to keep back the tears that were welling up, sending the room into a watery blur.

Boyd was asleep in the chair, just inches from Spence's side. She didn't want to wake him. She would just... say what she had to say. And then she'd go.

Now, what to say... this was ridiculous – now she felt shy.

She sat down on an empty chair, the other side of the bed to Boyd. He was snoring – he wouldn't wake up. Spence wasn't snoring... Was he dreaming, perhaps? Was it was going to be easier to talk to him this way...

Not knowing what to say, Stella opened her mouth and let the words fall out. Tentatively at first, her voice gathering rhythm as she felt the words falling into their natural places.

"...It's late afternoon, the sun is low in the sky. You'd love it Spence, it's making you look all glowy and soft. The room's quiet, it's a lovely room they've found for you, and you should see how many cards, flowers... you're a much loved man Spence. Honestly, you really are."

She stopped for breath. The next bit was harder.

"I am... so sorry. I know, I know, it sounds like the last thing you want or need to hear. I mean what's the point – I can be as sorry as I like and it won't make a difference. But I am, and I wanted you to know it. There, I've said it now. I kept telling myself it would make me feel better, coming and having it out face to face... well, I suppose it's not quite face to face... but you know,"

She smiled.

"It'll do."

Stella paused, looking out of the window.

"The sun's setting now. The sky, it's fantastic. Red, purple, orange... it's beautiful. I wish you could see it Spence... maybe you can, I don't know, maybe you're in a heaven right now. And you're watching a beautiful sunset, and you don't want to come down from there but please Spence, come back. We all miss you... so much..."

Hurriedly, she stood up. Leaning over, she gently kissed Spence's forehead. One last look, and letting the tears fall freely down her face, she left the room.

Boyd opened one eye. Peeked out. He hadn't been asleep, and worried that his snoring had sounded too fake. But Stella had needed her moment. He just hoped she hadn't caught sight of the tear that had slipped out his eyes, gathering speed down his cheek.

He heard the soft bang of the doors at the end of the corridor. She was gone.

He look back at Spence.

"Alright... sir?"

Boyd's mouth hung open.

Spence just smiled at him. Boyd couldn't speak. So Spence just kept on smiling.


	2. Another One

'Parallel'

_And, because every coin has a flip side..._

- - -

"I don't quite know what I'm doing here Spence, or what I'm going to say. Boyd's asleep – he's been at your side whenever he could for so long now... I don't know how long it's been, I haven't been paying much attention to be honest. I feel like shit, if that's any consolation."

Stella laughed, her eyes struggling to keep back the tears that were welling up, sending the room into a watery blur.

Boyd was asleep in the chair, just inches from Spence's side. She didn't want to wake him. She would just... say what she had to say. And then she'd go.

Now, what to say... this was ridiculous – now she felt shy.

She sat down on an empty chair, the other side of the bed to Boyd. He was snoring – he wouldn't wake up. Spence wasn't snoring... Stella didn't know if he was ever going to wake up or not, or whether it was going to be easier to talk to him this way.

"...I wish I could say the sun was bright and shining. It's not though, it's dark and it's raining. Sorry, that doesn't sound like something you would want to wake up from a coma for does it? But I'm just trying to face up to the truth. Weather first, my actions next."

She stopped for breath. As if it wasn't hard enough already.

"I am... so sorry. I never meant for... I never wanted... I didn't know what was going to happen. I suppose we never do really, do we? But I should have seen... seen or guessed or... I don't know, something. Anything. Everything. Maybe if I had paid more attention, things would have been different. They turned out not so great in the end. Listen to me – here I am, going on and you can't even hear me."

She wiped her eyes.

"Shit."

She shook her head. It felt hopeless.

"I don't know if you're going to die Spence. One thing's for sure, you're going to hate me if you wake up. I don't know, maybe you'd forgive me. I don't deserve it. Just like you don't deserve to be here, but you know what? What's the point. Life's a bitch and then you die. And now... well, I guess I'm the bitch and then _you _die, right?"

Hurriedly, she stood up. One last look at Spence. _Don't die_ was her last desperate plea. Angry, frustrated tears fell from her face as she left the room.

Boyd snored on. Totally oblivious. The room was silent, save for his snoring, and the rain lashing at the window. It was dark and dismal outside. The room was cold and empty. Spence's breathing was shallow and harsh. One of the thousands of machines he was hooked up to bleeped.

The harsh clang of the metal doors at the end of the corridor. Stella was gone.

The machine bleeped again.

A snort.

Boyd shifted in his slumber.

The long, last 'beeeep' of the failing life support machine didn't even wake him.


	3. Now it's deja vu

_I thought I'd add the two together in one bit. One's in italics, the other just regular. Imagine how cool this looked when it was just two columns..._

_- - -_

"I don't quite know what I'm doing here Spence, or what I'm going to say. Boyd's asleep – he's been at your side whenever he could for so long now... I don't know how long it's been, I haven't been paying much attention to be honest. I feel like shit, if that's any consolation."

"_I don't quite know what I'm doing here Spence, or what I'm going to say. Boyd's asleep – he's been at your side whenever he could for so long now... I don't know how long it's been, I haven't been paying much attention to be honest. I feel like shit, if that's any consolation."_

Stella laughed, her eyes struggling to keep back the tears that were welling up, sending the room into a watery blur.

_Stella laughed, her eyes struggling to keep back the tears that were welling up, sending the room into a watery blur._

Boyd was asleep in the chair, just inches from Spence's side. She didn't want to wake him. She would just... say what she had to say. And then she'd go.

_Boyd was asleep in the chair, just inches from Spence's side. She didn't want to wake him. She would just... say what she had to say. And then she'd go._

Now, what to say... this was ridiculous – now she felt shy.

_Now, what to say... this was ridiculous – now she felt shy. _

She sat down on an empty chair, the other side of the bed to Boyd. He was snoring – he wouldn't wake up. Spence wasn't snoring... Was he dreaming, perhaps? Was it was going to be easier to talk to him this way...

_She sat down on an empty chair, the other side of the bed to Boyd. He was snoring – he wouldn't wake up. Spence wasn't snoring... Stella didn't know if he was ever going to wake up or not, or whether it was going to be easier to talk to him this way. _

"...It's late afternoon, the sun is low in the sky. You'd love it Spence, it's making you look all glowy and soft. The room's quiet, it's a lovely room they've found for you, and you should see how many cards, flowers... you're a much loved man Spence. Honestly, you really are."

"_...I wish I could say the sun was bright and shining. It's not though, it's dark and it's raining. Sorry, that doesn't sound like something you would want to wake up from a coma for does it? But I'm just trying to face up to the truth. Weather first, my actions next." _

She stopped for breath. The next bit was harder.

_She stopped for breath. As if it wasn't hard enough already._

Not knowing what to say, Stella opened her mouth and let the words fall out. Tentatively at first, her voice gathering rhythm as she felt the words falling into their natural places.

"I am... so sorry. I know, I know, it sounds like the last thing you want or need to hear. I mean what's the point – I can be as sorry as I like and it won't make a difference. But I am, and I wanted you to know it. There, I've said it now. I kept telling myself it would make me feel better, coming and having it out face to face... well, I suppose it's not quite face to face... but you know,"

"_I am... so sorry. I never meant for... I never wanted... I didn't know what was going to happen. I suppose we never do really, do we? But I should have seen... seen or guessed or... I don't know, something. Anything. Everything. Maybe if I had paid more attention, things would have been different. They turned out not so great in the end. Listen to me – here I am, going on and you can't even hear me."_

She smiled.

_She wiped her eyes._

"It'll do."

"_Shit."_

Stella paused, looking out of the window.

_She shook her head. It felt hopeless._

"The sun's setting now. The sky, it's fantastic. Red, purple, orange... it's beautiful. I wish you could see it Spence... maybe you can, I don't know, maybe you're in a heaven right now. And you're watching a beautiful sunset, and you don't want to come down from there but please Spence, come back. We all miss you... so much..."

"_I don't know if you're going to die Spence. One thing's for sure, you're going to hate me if you wake up. I don't know, maybe you'd forgive me. I don't deserve it. Just like you don't deserve to be here, but you know what? What's the point. Life's a bitch and then you die. And now... well, I guess I'm the bitch and then you die, right?"_

Hurriedly, she stood up. Leaning over, she gently kissed Spence's forehead. One last look, and letting the tears fall freely down her face, she left the room.

_Hurriedly, she stood up. One last look at Spence. Don't die was her last desperate plea. Angry, frustrated tears fell from her face as she left the room. _

Boyd opened one eye. Peeked out. He hadn't been asleep, and worried that his snoring had sounded too fake. But Stella had needed her moment. He just hoped she hadn't caught sight of the tear that had slipped out his eyes, gathering speed down his cheek.

_Boyd snored on. Totally oblivious. The room was silent, save for his snoring, and the rain lashing at the window. It was dark and dismal outside. The room was cold and empty. Spence's breathing was shallow and harsh. One of the thousands of machines he was hooked up to bleeped. _

He heard the soft bang of the doors at the end of the corridor. She was gone.

_The harsh clang of the metal doors at the end of the corridor. Stella was gone. _

He look back at Spence.

_The machine bleeped again. _

"Alright... sir?"

_A snort. _

Boyd's mouth hung open.

_Boyd shifted in his slumber. _

Spence just smiled at him. Boyd couldn't speak. So Spence just kept on smiling.

_The last, long sound of the failing life support machine didn't even wake him. _


End file.
